Memorable Holiday Moments

The Blakeslee family in Meridian had a surplus of pumpkins in their pumpkin patch one October and kindly offered one to each of the kids. Excitedly, the kids ran through the patch and picked out their very own pumpkins for Halloween.

Jonathan (age 2) found the biggest pumpkin in the entire pumpkin patch—Mom had to carry it to the car. Melissa (age 6) picked the biggest one in the patch – that she could still carry all by herself. Michael (age 4), who was still sensitive and a little melancholy because of a nose injury earlier that day, picked out a small, lop-sided pumpkin that was withered on one side. “Oh, wook (look) at this poor, widdow (little) pumpkin,” he said tenderly, “I will take care of it.”

On Halloween, the day TerriLu came home from the hospital following surgery, I busily tried to get the household organized. I carved pumpkins, fed kids, put on costumes, and helped TerriLu and the baby, William. Feeling like I had just about gotten on top of a rather hectic day, I announced, “Well, we’re in pretty good shape.”

Looking around at the piles of pumpkin seeds, the dirty dishes, and the general chaos, Michael (age 6) observed, “Yeah, but pretty much bad shape.”

The family was preparing the Thanksgiving turkey dinner. Melissa (age 3) stood on a chair at the counter busily smearing butter on the turkey.

“This turkey won’t bite me,” she reported confidently.

“Of course not,” Mommy pointed out. “It’s dead.”

“It is?” gasped Melissa, as she slowly backed away from what she thought was just a patient turkey allowing itself to be buttered.

Christmas was approaching and the family had been discussing how the kids might earn money to buy Christmas presents. Michael (5) had noticed how much cash Melissa (7) had raked in from the tooth fairy during the year and suggested, “Hey, I could knock out a tooth.”

For several weeks before Christmas each year TerriLu and I would buy presents. We would surreptitiously sneak the goods to our bedroom, and then hide them up in our closet while the kids were busy in the family room with a movie. As careful as we tried to be with our clandestine activities, the kids knew that we were hiding things in our room.

One year, with rumors running rampant in the house, I figured I better lay down a new house rule for the kids. The rule was short and to the point. “There’s no snooping around in Mommy and Daddy’s room,” I stated authoritatively.

“Yeah,” Jonathan (age 3) insisted. “This is how you snoop.” He then demonstrated with a dramatic “sniff sniff” and then added emphatically, “And we won’t do that in your woom (room).”

When Jonathan (age 8) had his friend, Brian, sleep over one night, they talked for a while before going to sleep.

“Do you believe in the Easter bunny?” asked Brian.

“No,” chuckled Jonathan knowingly.

“No,” agreed William (age 4), who was eavesdropping. “Because he doesn’t have a sleigh and he doesn’t have any reindeers like Santa Claus.” On a roll, he continued, “And he can’t go down the chimney. He just hops on the bunny trail and brings eggs.”

On the way home from church just before Christmas William (4) pointed out the car window at the Texaco gas station sign and blurted, “Hey, look! There’s a Christmas sign!”

“What?” TerriLu and I asked in unison.

“Well, it’s red and it’s got a star,” clarified William.

Jonathan (age 4) had placed five plastic dinosaur toys on the presents under the Christmas tree and I asked what they were doing there.

“They are protecting the presents,” he confidently assured me.

One afternoon Jonathan (age 7) sat at the kitchen table drawing a picture of some Christmas presents on a sheet of paper. William (age 3) wanted to watch but Jonathan felt that then William would know what his present would be. TerriLu tried to explain that William was too young to really comprehend what Jonathan was doing.

“Yes, huh!” argued Jonathan.

“I really don’t think he understands,” contended TerriLu.

“Okay,” declared Jonathan as he held up the paper for William to scrutinize, “what am I getting you for Christmas?”

William scrutinized the sheet for a moment and surmised, “Paper?”

For Christmas, the kids made ginger bread houses out of graham crackers, frosting, and candy. Jonathan (age 7) took a giant bite out of the roof on his house and then explained, “I made a sky light.”

As the kids were being tucked into bed after all the Christmas day activities, festivities, and goodies, Michael (age 4) told Mom, “We were really good today because we never yelled, ‘Hey, that’s mine and you can’t have it!’ “

The Making of Children’s Chatter

      Children’s Chatter is a collection of the amusing, interesting, sensitive, and sometimes amazing quotes from our four children during a twelve-year period through 1993. The tradition started back one generation with my mother who recorded a few of the funny things she heard her six children say through the years. With children and grandchildren, Nana’s Children’s Chatter became a favorite family album.
      In several books published over the years, adults have asked specific questions which elicited a variety of responses from children. Children’s Chatter adds a different twist as we have collected unsolicited, candid comments from children in everyday family life. Children’s Chatter captures the unpretentious, spontaneous words of wisdom out of the mouths of babes in their natural home environment.
      Now, why would you want to read about the things our kids said in our home that we thought were funny? Granted, you may not find these quotes as precious in your family as we do in ours, but you don’t have to be family to relate to and enjoy the candid chatter of children. If you have or are expecting a child or grandchild, if you know or simply were a child, you will relate to and delight in these priceless gems. These simple, unadulterated remarks strike a responsive chord with readers who will listen more often for, better appreciate, and even be inspired to record the “Children’s Chatter” within their own homes and lives.
      The appeal of Children’s Chatter is quite simple. Adults frequently find great humor and repose in the guileless musings of children, especially when the children have no idea they are being funny. Much of the magic originates with a little one merely describing or commenting on the world as it is seen through the unfettered, unbiased eyes of innocence. Most adults find it refreshing to reopen their own innocent eyes that have long slept since childhood. And that is the real reason for the appeal of Children’s Chatter.
      Many of today’s best-selling books find humor in family life. While these books portray the humorous side of families through the eyes of an adult, Children’s Chatter provides an intriguing perspective of family life and life in general through the eyes of children with their own unwitting humor and perspicacious insight.
      The quotes contained in this book are a most valuable family treasure. We have often thought that if the house were burning down and we had just a few seconds to retrieve either the Children’s Chatter quotes or the family pictures, we would grab the Children’s Chatter and leave the photographs.
      Fortunately, we never faced that dilemma not only because the house never burned down, but also because we knew that copies of all the years of Children’s Chatter were located in the homes of several relatives. Now, we are not undermining photographs—we love them, too. However, the recorded quotations show that spontaneous part of the personality that may not be captured on film.
      The format for each chapter is quite simple. The chapters begin with a few observations from our family life as they relate to the topic of the chapter, and are taken primarily from the annual Ross family newsletters sent out to family and friends at the end of each year since 1985. These observations are not so much the cute things the kids said, but more the humorous side of some of their adventures and escapades, or just the lighter side of family life.
      The chapter “introductions” help set the tone for the Children’s Chatter entries which follow and often demonstrate that humor can be found in almost any crisis when you add a little time to the crisis. Eventually it takes less and less time to turn into humor. Often in the middle of some major difficulty, we would look at each other and smile, “Well, at least we have something to put in the newsletter this year.”
      The Children’s Chatter quotes in each chapter are in random order. Some entries are quite humorous while others are just cute. A few are rather clever and others are simply sweet. There are a few that are just interesting at best, but they are recorded as well because they show some unique part of the personality. Each entry shows the age of the child in parenthesis because quite often the words are more revealing when the age of the child is known.
      Our hope in publishing Children’s Chatter is twofold. First, we hope people will sit back, relax, and enjoy some delightful, lovable quotes from four lovable, typical, normal kids. Second, we hope that you will begin the Children’s Chatter tradition in your own home as you start to record and cherish the chatter of your children as we have come to record and cherish the chatter of ours.
      So, read on and enjoy a few words of wisdom out of the mouths of babes….

Trying to Get in Children’s Chatter

      As the kids got older they each developed a sense of humor and would often try to say something funny. These affected “funny” remarks were generally not recorded for Children’s Chatter since TerriLu and I recognized them as contrived humor. At older ages the kids knew they needed to act like their statements were natural and then, if necessary, deny that they were trying to be funny. At younger ages they were not always so subtle. TerriLu and I found some of these “cover ups” to be quite humorous in their own way and we recorded the associated remarks.
      Occasionally the older kids recognized when one of the younger siblings had a potential entry for Children’s Chatter, and TerriLu and I got a chuckle out of the older child’s ability to think like a parent. Sometimes the kids would argue over whether a potential entry should qualify for Children’s Chatter, and again, TerriLu and I found some humor in the debates.

*  *  *  *

      Jonathan (2) saw a picture of a cute little girl on a song cover and asked, “Is that you, Melissa?
      Melissa (6) looked at Mom and me with a “that-was-cute-we-should-write-it-down-for-Children’s Chatter” look. With a grown-up, knowing sigh, she said what Mom and I usually say after the kids say something cute, “We should write that one down.”

*  *  *  *

      From the other room where she was reading, Melissa (7) with her satellite-dish hearing overheard Michael’s comment about “Not a big kid—big mom!” Parroting what TerriLu and I usually say to each other after a potential Children’s Chatter remark, Melissa called out, “Write that one down!”

*  *  *  *

      One day while Mom was cleaning the curtains, Jonathan (4) asked, “Are you going to wash that in buttermilk?”
       “No,” a puzzled Mom replied. “Why do you say that?”
       “I just wanted to get into Children’s Chatter.”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (8) observed me jotting down a remark Michael had just made. Noticing that Michael was going to get yet another entry in Children’s Chatter and wishing she had said it, Melissa pointed out, “I thought of that one time.”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I chuckled after Jonathan (4) made his “Pepsi” remark, where he said, “Hey, look. I drank that stuff that keeps you awake and I’m already asleep.” Noticing their laughter, Jonathan modestly suggested, “You should write that down for Children’s Chatter.”
      Knowing you’re not supposed to try to be funny so you can get into Children’s Chatter, Michael (6) countered, “No, they shouldn’t because you said, ‘You should write that one down.’”

*  *  *  *

      Michael (8) was feeling sad one evening and Melissa (10) was trying to comfort him, to no avail. Through his sniffles Michael said something that made Mom chuckle just a little. Still trying to cheer Michael up, Melissa offered, “Michael, that was funny. Mom laughed so you might get in Children’s Chatter.”
      As Mom chuckled again, and then left the room to let me in on the funnies, Melissa added encouragingly, “And now she’s going to tell Dad, and that’s an even better sign.”

*  *  *  *

      One evening Jonathan (7) used a word improperly and it made Mommy chuckle. She called to me in the other room, “Honey, did you hear that?”
       “But Mom!” Jonathan quickly interrupted with some embarrassment because he felt Mom was broadcasting his slip of the tongue. “Don’t tell Dad!”
       “You don’t need to be embarrassed,” Mommy assured him. “It’s okay.”
       “No, it’s not,” maintained Jonathan.
       “If I tell Daddy,” Mom continued, “you might get in Children’s Chatter.”
       “Okay,” Jonathan conceded. “You can tell him, but only if I get in Children’s Chatter.”

*  *  *  *

      Someone mentioned Christmas Eve and William (3) exclaimed, “Hey, Adam and Eve!”
       “Mom, did you hear that?” I asked.
      Jonathan (7), sensing the remark might get into Children’s Chatter, quickly explained, “I told him that yesterday so don’t write it down for him.”
       “I doubt they’ll write it down for you,” Melissa (11) observed.

*  *  *  *

      Jonathan (7) was playing with some toy trucks one day. Speaking to one truck he said, “You can be a tow truck or, if you want, you can be a push truck.”
      He looked over at Mommy who was busy with a project and casually mentioned, “You can write that one down for Children’s Chatter if you want to, but you don’t have to.”

*  *  *  *

      One evening the kids discussed the computer game, Carmen Sandiego. “Hey,” William (3) piped up, “I like Carmen Sandy Legos.”
      I chuckled at the reference to the snap-together Lego toys and echoed, “So it’s Carmen Sandy Legos?”
      Jonathan (7) quickly interjected, “Don’t write it down for Children’s Chatter, Dad. I told it to him.” Then with an afterthought, he acquiesced, “Unless you write it down for me.”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (11) and Michael (9) were discussing the sad state of the toaster during breakfast one morning. Michael mentioned that the Cardon’s toaster wasn’t working very well either. “They have to stand right there and keep checking until the toast is ripe.”
      Mommy turned to me and half suggested, “Write it down?”
       “No!” blurted Michael, feeling embarrassed for using the word “ripe.”
       “You can write it down for me!” Melissa cheerfully offered, knowing that the older one gets, the less one gets in Children’s Chatter. “I’ll take credit for it.”

*  *  *  *

      One evening at the dinner table, I shared a remark William had made a few months earlier. I quoted William’s statement, “Everyone has a hard head.”
      William (4) looked up from his meal and maintained, “But not as hard as mine.”
      When everyone chuckled at his comment, William laughed heartily and suggested, “Let’s get that one on tape!”

*  *  *  *

      William (4) walked into the living room with some toilet paper one morning. “Mom, I need you to blow my nose,” he requested as he handed Mom the tissue. After Mom helped him, he observed, “I had water in my nose.”
      Mom chuckled and remarked, “That might be one for Children’s Chatter.”
       “No, it’s not,” objected William.
       “Why not?”
       “Because it’s not funny.”
      When he noticed me writing something at my desk, William squawked, “Don’t write it down, Dad! It’s not funny!”

*  *  *  *

TV and Movie Children’s Chatter Part 2

      The family had recently watched the movie, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, including the scene with the joke about French kissing. A few days later, Jonathan (6) said, “Mom, I know how to French kiss.”
       “How?” asked Mom with a little concern that her little boy was growing up too fast and learning some inappropriate things from movies.
       “Like this.” Jonathan said, as he demonstrated by rubbing his nose against her nose.

*  *  *  *

      One Saturday morning Melissa (10) watched a Shirley Temple movie with William (2). Later that day Melissa asked the boys, “What movie should we watch?”
      William quickly suggested, “How about Shirley Pimple?”

*  *  *  *

      Jonathan (6) had just watched America’s Funniest Home Videos and came upstairs to show me some of his latest imitations. “This is my invitation of a penguin,” Jonathan announced.
       “You mean imitation?” I asked.
       “Yeah,” replied Jonathan sheepishly. “Invitation.”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I often expressed concern over the violence and nudity shown in current movies. One evening as the kids finished watching the G-rated, Walt Disney cartoon, The Little Mermaid, Jonathan (6) observed, “That was a good movie.” He then added innocently, “And it didn’t have any bad words in it.”

*  *  *  *

      One day in the car, William (3) pointed out the window and exclaimed, “Hey, I found a Pizza Hut! They’re making it great!”

*  *  *  *

      The kids were watching Back to the Future when TerriLu and I left to go shopping. A few minutes later I came back into the house to get something I had forgotten. As I passed the kids in the family room, I kidded, “We’re home. Anybody hurt?”
       “Just Marty,” quipped Melissa (11) who had moments before watched Marty, in the movie, get hit by his grandpa’s car.

*  *  *  *

      Michael (9) and Melissa (11) had recently watched Curly Top, the Shirley Temple movie. One night as I got ready for a date with Mommy, I asked Melissa what movie she wanted to watch. Knowing of her penchant for Shirley Temple movies, Michael interjected, “She’ll probably want to watch Shirley Top.”

*  *  *  *

      After the family had watched the video, The Father of the Bride, Jonathan (7) quoted, “Do you take this woman to be your awful wedded wife?”

*  *  *  *

      One Saturday morning William (4) told Mommy about what the kids had done the night before while TerriLu and I were on our weekly date. “I saw a movie about a bowling ball that chased a man!” explained William excitedly.
       “Was it a scary movie?” Mommy asked, trying to figure out what video movie showed a bowling ball chasing a man.
       “No,” replied William.
       “Was it a funny movie?” Mom tried again, only to get the same response.
      Later that day Mommy smiled when she ejected the Raiders of the Lost Ark tape from the VCR, and remembered the opening scene where a giant, round rock rolls down a ramp in hot pursuit of Indiana Jones.

*  *  *  *

      Quoting from the television commercial, William (4) asked Mom, “Have you driven a Ford lately?”
       “No,” replied Mom. “Have you?”
       “No, I’m just a kid,” responded William.

*  *  *  *

      One day the older kids were talking with me about drugs and the DARE program being taught at school. Wanting to contribute to the discussion, William (4) quickly cut in, “Once on TV I saw a brain on drugs.”

*  *  *  *

      During one of the Star Trek movies, Jonathan (8) watched with rapt fascination at how the phaser guns destroyed objects with an amazing vaporizing action.
       “Dad,” Jonathan inquired, “would a phaser gun really blow up stuff just like that?”
       “Well,” I explained, “those phaser guns are just pretend.”
       “But if they were real,” pressed Jonathan, “then would they blow things up like that?”

*  *  *  *

      The family rented the movie Far and Away one Saturday night. Near the beginning of the show, everyone watched as Joseph looked longingly at the country before departing on his journey. I pointed out that perhaps Joseph knew at that moment that this would be the last time he would see his beautiful homeland because soon he would be off to America.
      Michael (10), who was more engrossed in the movie than in my lecture, blurted, “Is this Christopher Columbus?”
      When everyone laughed, he sheepishly pointed out, “I thought maybe it was because the movie said it was 1892.”
       “Columbus sailed in 1492,” I gently pointed out.
       “Oh,” gasped Michael, “that was a long time before.”

*  *  *  *

      One evening the family sat down to watch a rented movie, but as the tape started, the copyright warning message seemed to remain on screen for an unusually long time. “Come on,” I groaned impatiently. “We’ve read this a million times before.”
      Michael (10) looked up at the warning and admitted, “I’ve never even read it once.”

*  *  *  *

      William (4) overheard TerriLu and me discussing details about a Children’s Chatter chapter on “TV Talk.” William quickly cut in, “ ‘TV talk’ is where you’re watching TV and you say something funny.”

*  *  *  *

      One morning William (4) switched on the TV and noticed that he had missed the first fifteen minutes of Mister Rogers. “Hey, Dad,” he squawked, “you need to rewind it.”

*  *  *  *

      One night the family watched America’s Funniest Home Videos and saw a two-year old boy smear chocolate cake all over his face. The next morning William (4) came upstairs with a yogurt-covered face and said, “Put me in Children’s Chatter.” After a moment’s hesitation he corrected, “Put me on America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

*  *  *  *

      One evening I was stretched out on the floor while the family watched a movie on TV. William (4) climbed on my back and sat for a moment before going over and snuggling up with Mom on the couch. After cuddling for a minute he looked up at Mom and announced, “I like to cuddle with girls. Girls are more comstoreful than boys.”

*  *  *  *

      While on a relocation trip in Idaho, William (5) had taken a long afternoon nap at the hotel and was wide awake at midnight so William and I vegged out in front of the TV. As I switched through the channels during their second hour of late-night entertainment, William observed, “TV never ends. TV goes on forever.”

*  *  *  *

TV and Movie Children’s Chatter Part 1

      Mommy and Melissa (2) watched a Shirley Temple movie where Shirley’s mother had passed away and Shirley was trying to find her father. After the movie, Missy’s face was twisted in thought as she observed, “Shirley Temple doesn’t have a mommy. I have a mommy. And we’re looking for my daddy.”

*  *  *  *

      The family was on the way to the grocery store when Melissa (3) asked, “Where are we going?”
       “Albertsons,” replied Mommy.
       “Oh, yeah,” remembered Melissa from the recent television commercials. “They go out of their way for us.”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (3) was trying to find something to watch on television one afternoon and Mommy explained that she shouldn’t watch soap operas. Later that day, Melissa informed me, “We don’t watch soda poppers.”

*  *  *  *

      The family had purchased the video Raiders of the Lost Ark and Melissa (3) had watched it several times. One day at Grandma and Grandpa’s everyone watched as Indiana Jones struggled to climb onto an airplane where a big snake was waiting to share the seat with him. Excitedly, Melissa commentated, “He doesn’t like worms because when he gets in that plane, there’s a big worm and he hates worms!”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I were watching a documentary on street people who roamed New York. The program commented on how sad it was that the people just slept anywhere. Melissa (4) expressed her concern, too. “That’s really dangerous – to sleep in the street.”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I were considering several video movies. TerriLu asked me, “What’s Never Cry Wolf about?”
      Answering for me, Melissa (4) said, “Oh, it’s that one about the shepherd boy who cried wolf.”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (5) and I were watching the movie, Romancing the Stone. After completing her novel, the writer in the movie smashed two wine glasses in the fireplace to celebrate. “Why did she do that?” Missy asked.
       “I don’t know,” I said absently, as I stayed glued to the show.
       “Well,” Melissa offered, “maybe she didn’t want to wash them or she didn’t have a sink.”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (5) had a headache so Mom gave her some children’s Tylenol. After chewing the tablets, Missy asked, “Mommy, what’s a pediatrician?”
      Mommy replied that a pediatrician is a doctor for children.
      Quoting from the TV commercial, Melissa pointed out, “More pediatricians give their own children Children’s Tylenol.”
      And Michael (3) chimed in with his portion of the commercial, “It wowers (lowers) fevers fast.”

*  *  *  *

      In the movie, Short Circuit the laser-equipped robot “Number 5” comes to life. At one point, he taunts one of his old “computer-minded” robot friends, “Hey, laser lips, your momma was a snow blower!”
      A few days later, Michael (4) reenacted the show with a little ad-libbing. “Hey, waser wips (laser lips), your momma was a hair dwyer (dryer)!”

*  *  *  *

      One day Jonathan (2) heard Michael (4) quoting from the movie, Short Circuit, “Your momma is a snow blower.”
       “No she not!” Jonathan replied curtly.

*  *  *  *

      While crossing a river on the way to an overnight campout, Michael (5) pointed toward the water and said, “Look at those islands.”
       “What’s an island?” asked Jonathan (3).
       “It’s some land out in the middle of some water,” Michael explained. He then added, “And sometimes they have coconut trees.”

*  *  *  *

       “Can we listen to some music?” Jonathan (4) asked one morning. “Not the kind that comes out of you,” he clarified. “The kind that comes out of the stereo.”

*  *  *  *

      The kids had just watched The Muppets Take Manhattan where Miss Piggy and Kermit get married. After the show, Melissa (8) observed, “If they had Part Two to that movie, Miss Piggy would be Mrs. Piggy.” Then after considering a moment she corrected, “Oh, no. She’d actually be Mrs. Kermit.”

*  *  *  *

      One morning Melissa (8) asked for some Cranberry juice. Jonathan (4) quickly said, “Clan of the Cave Bear. Get it? Clan.”

*  *  *  *

      One night TerriLu and I recorded a circus television show which included a dangerous crossbow exhibition. The next day, when Melissa (8) heard the announcer say, “Do not play this at home” while she played the tape, she commented, “We play it at home—but it’s safe this way.”

*  *  *  *

      Nana gave a puppet show about Simeon and Rachael. At the end of the show, Simeon said to Rachael, “You are very kind.”
      Quoting from the Pee-Wee Herman movie, Jonathan (4) chimed in to himself, “I know you are but what am I.”

*  *  *  *

      The family had just finished watching the movie, Willow. As the credits rolled past, I commented, “That was a good movie.”
       “Yeah,” Michael (6) agreed. Then he checked, “Did we learn anything from it?”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (9) mentioned one of her Children’s Chatter entries from years before, where she had pointed one direction and said, “Is yesterday that way?”
      Michael (7) took her question seriously. He thought for a moment and then went over to the television.  “Yesterday is over this way,” he explained as he pointed to the left.
       “Why do you say that, Michael?” asked Mommy.
      While he continued to scrutinize the front panel on the VCR he reasoned, “Because ‘rewind’ points this way and is sort of like yesterday and ‘fast forward’ points this way like tomorrow.”

*  *  *  *

      The family was hiking up the mountain to Timpanogos Cave when the kids saw a big rock jutting out from the trail. Remembering the family’s spring-time trip to the Oregon sea lion caves, Jonathan (5) remarked, “That could be a rock that a sea lion would sit on.” After looking off the edge of the mountain for a moment, he added, “If there was water around it.”
      Melissa (9) and Michael (7) heard Jonathan’s remark and they simultaneously responded, “Or it could be the rock the Little Mermaid sat on.”

*  *  *  *

Family Children’s Chatter Part 2

      William (1) would often lose his binkies. When the supply got down to one, TerriLu and I would sometimes have a “binkie hunt” to find as many of the lost pacifiers as possible. The kids would look in the usual places – behind William’s crib, under chairs and tables, and behind the couches, and would often come up empty handed. One day Nana mentioned that she was always finding binkies and putting them up. Melissa (8) reasoned, “Maybe that’s why we can’t find any.”

*  *  *  *

      One day Nana said, “I wonder who would want my puppet stage after I quit doing puppet shows.”
      Jonathan (4), an avid puppet-show watcher, quickly offered, “When you’re old and don’t want it, I will be happy to have your puppet show!”

*  *  *  *

      Grammy and Melissa (7) were taking a walk. “Don’t step on a crack,” Melissa warned. “Or you’ll break your Momma’s back.” A moment later, she added, sweetly and innocently, “But you don’t have to worry because your Mom already died.”

*  *  *  *

      William (2) was showing off by squawking and screaming as he jumped around the room. When Grammy asked him to please be quiet, William graciously put his hand over his mouth and then screamed again – with a slight muffle.

*  *  *  *

      Jonathan (6) and I were at Uncle Randy’s dental office. While Dr. Rigler worked with me in one chair, the hygienist took care of Jonathan on the other side of the partition. “Do you know who that is over there?” Jonathan asked the hygienist eagerly.
       “Who?” asked the hygienist.
       “My Uncle Randy!” Jonathan said proudly.

*  *  *  *

      William (3) was showing Grandpa how my new cross-country-ski-exercise machine worked. As William grabbed the hip pad and climbed onto the two skis, the skis slid out from underneath him, leaving him swinging precariously from the hip pad. With considerable effort, he regained his footing and then struggled a bit just to get off the equipment without falling. He stood up straight and stated proudly, “And that how you do it!”

*  *  *  *

      William (3) studied the reflection in Aunt Jeannie’s eyeglasses. He looked back and forth between the two lenses and then observed, “I see two people in there.”

*  *  *  *

      Grammy was about to board the airplane to fly home after spending Christmas vacation with the family. She picked up William (3), gave him a squeeze, and said, “I’ll miss you. Will you miss me?”
       “No,” admitted William.
      With a little surprise, Grammy said, “You won’t. Why not?”
       “Because I love you!” he assured her.

*  *  *  *

      As Grammy was leaving the terminal to get on the airplane to go home, William (3) suddenly realized that she was going away, and he started to cry. “Grammy!” he called desperately, “we could go with you!”

*  *  *  *

       “How old are you, William?” asked cousin Kelly.
       “Well, actually,” replied William (3) as he held up three fingers, “I’m this many, I think. And I’m cute, too.”

*  *  *  *

      Grandpa Ross dropped in one morning to leave some items with the family. William (4) opened the door and welcomed Grandpa into the house. “I’m William!” he declared.
       “I’m William, too,” responded Grandpa with a grin, not quite sure if William the IV knew he was talking to William the II.
       “Yeah,” agreed William, “but your real name is ‘Grandpa.’”

*  *  *  *

      William (4) was sitting next to Aunt Diann, listening to the grownups talking. “Now,” announced William as he slid off the couch, “I’m gonna find a better place to sit.” With that he climbed up onto Aunt Diann’s lap.

*  *  *  *

      Mommy came up the stairs and noticed William (4) staring at a family portrait taken six years earlier when Mom had a much shorter haircut and the three older kids were six years younger. As Mom approached, William pointed at the picture of his significantly-different-looking siblings and mom and shook his head bewilderedly. “The only person I know in this picture is that man and he’s my dad.”

*  *  *  *

      One morning while sitting on the living room couch munching on a peanut butter, jelly, and mustard sandwich, William (5) mused, “I’m a son of a William.” A moment later he added, “Because my Dad’s a William, too.”

*  *  *  *

      One morning William (5) asked Michael (11), “Is a million years longer than infinity?”
       “No,” replied Michael.
       “Is fifty more than infinity?” tried William again.
       “No,” answered Michael again. Grammy was visiting so Michael tried to put things into perspective by saying “William, Grammy is fifty.”
       “Yeah,” responded William knowingly, “and pretty soon Grammy will be a grandma.”
       “She already is a grandma.”
       “Huh, uh!” pressed William. “She’s a grammy.”

*  *  *  *

      William (5) was roaming around Grammy’s house looking for something to do. In the living room he looked curiously at the front door which he’d never been through since everyone always used Grammy’s side door by the driveway. He slowly approached the door and cautiously tried turning the locked door handle. With his hand still on the knob he turned and inquisitively asked me, “Where does this lead to?”

*  *  *  *

Family Children’s Chatter Part 1

      One year the family stayed with Nana and Grandpa during the summer. Melissa’s cousin, Kara, who was living there temporarily, was gone for the day. Somewhat bored, Melissa (2) asked, “Nana, will you play with me?”

*  *  *  *

      On the way home from the airport after picking up Grammy from her flight, Melissa (2) asked, “Do you remember me?”

*  *  *  *

      While sitting on Grammy’s lap, Melissa (2) noticed the reflection of the Christmas tree in Grammy’s glasses. Melissa held Grammy’s cheeks in her little hands, peered into the glasses, and remarked, “I see the Christmas tree in your windows.”

*  *  *  *

      While living in Washington, Mommy talked with Melissa (2) about moving back to Utah so I could finish college.
       “How would you feel if we moved back to Utah?” Mommy asked.
      Melissa, who gets motion sickness in the car, replied, “I would feel sick.”
       “Yes, you might feel sick in the car, but would you feel happy or sad if we moved to Utah?” asked Mommy with a little clarification.
       “I’d feel sad, if I got sick,” groaned Melissa.
       “What if you didn’t feel sick?” asked Mommy trying again.
       “Then I would feel happy!” replied Melissa cheerfully.
       “How would you feel about moving near Grammy, Grandma and Grandpa, and everyone else in Utah?” questioned Mommy.
       “That would be fun,” smiled Melissa.
       “But what about Nana and Grandpa and all your cousins in Washington?”
       “Oh,” sighed Melissa forlornly, “that would be sad.”

*  *  *  *

      One day Melissa (3) carefully studied the wrinkles on Grammy’s face. “Grammy,” she asked, “what are those lines on your face?”

*  *  *  *

      Grammy and Melissa (3) were chatting one day. “Grammy,” Melissa said, “I know who your little girl is.”
       “Who?” asked Grammy, wondering if Melissa would pick Grammy’s daughter, TerriLu, or her granddaughter, Melissa.
       “My mom,” smiled Melissa proudly. Then she added reassuringly, “I happen to know her very well because I happen to live with her.”

*  *  *  *

      The family was visiting relatives and Uncle Lyle gave Melissa (3) a big bear hug. A little short of breath, but still smiling, Melissa admitted, “I’m not used to being hugged this tight.”

*  *  *  *

      During the Thanksgiving holiday the family visited Nana and Grandpa in Washington. TerriLu and I called Grammy in Utah to wish her a happy holiday. Mommy handed the phone to Melissa (4) and then went downstairs to get on the other telephone. Melissa wasn’t used to a multi-phone home and was quite surprised to hear Mommy on the phone with Grammy. In wonderment, she gasped, “Mommy, how did you get to Grammy’s house?”

*  *  *  *

      Uncle Richard was showing Melissa (5) some pictures of his children and their spouses. He showed a picture of his daughter and son-in-law, Lizette and David. Melissa examined the picture carefully and declared enthusiastically, “Oh, he makes a handsome husband.”

*  *  *  *

      Uncle David was sitting on the couch with Melissa (5) on one arm and his fiancé, Nicole, on the other arm. Obviously enjoying himself, Uncle David playfully asked, “How did I get so lucky to have two good-looking girls with me?”
      Missy responded knowingly, “Because good-looking girls like to hang around good-looking guys.”

*  *  *  *

      Grammy called the family one weekend. When Michael (3) got on the telephone, he said, “Hi, Gwammy. Do you wemembow me?”

*  *  *  *

      I had worn gloves to protect my hands when I built the fence around the house. Sometime later when Nana came to visit, she asked Jonathan (3) if he had helped hammer the fence. “No,” Jonny explained, “because it’s too dangerous for me. You know why?”
       “Why?” asked Nana.
       “Because I don’t have widdow gwuvs (little gloves).”

*  *  *  *

      Michael (5) asked Grammy why she had wrinkles on her face.
       “Because I’m getting old,” replied Grammy.
      Michael pointed to his knuckles and reassured Grammy, “Evewybody has wrinkles here.”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (7) noticed that Grammy had a rather deep belly button. In one breath, Melissa asked, “Grammy, do you ever lie down in the bath tub, fill your belly button with water, throw pennies in, and make a wish?”

*  *  *  *

      Grammy mentioned to the kids that she didn’t have a boyfriend. Jonathan (3) quickly volunteered, “I’ll be your boyfwiend (boyfriend).”

*  *  *  *

      After driving all over Washington, Idaho, and Utah to visit relatives, Melissa (7) said wistfully, “I wish we had a big bulldozer so we could push all of our cousins’ and grandmas’ and grandpas’ houses together.”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (8) received a birthday present from Grammy that had been purchased and wrapped at ZCMI. On the ribbon was a sticker with the letters “ZCMI” written in a fancy, decorative, hard-to-read typeface. “Oh, look.” Melissa said, pointing to the sticker, “Grammy always wraps presents and then puts this little sticker on that says, ‘Zammy’ “.

*  *  *  *

Sweet Children’s Chatter Part 2

      I bought Michael (7) a wrist watch with hands so he could learn to tell time on a non-digital clock. Michael thanked me several times in the next few days. One evening Mike sighed, “I know I’ve already said thanks but I just can’t keep from saying thanks again and again.”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I often asked the kids how they are doing. One day Michael (7) had just gotten home from school and was on his way up to his room when I asked, “How are you doing, Michael?”
       “Fine,” responded Michael as he scurried up the stairs. Halfway up, he stopped and turned around. “And thanks for asking,” he added with a smile.

*  *  *  *

      One day Michael (7) explained to Mommy, “ ‘I like you’ is the next thing after ‘I love you.’”

*  *  *  *

      One day Jonathan (5) was talking to Mom. He sweetly, sincerely, and earnestly said, “You are the very best mom I have ever had.”

*  *  *  *

      I had recently returned from a short business trip and was leaving one morning for the office. Jonathan (5) stopped me as I was going out the front door and said sweetly, “Daddy, you’re my best friend in the world for a dad. I love you more than friends my age, and I still miss you from your trip.”

*  *  *  *

      One morning Jonathan (5) and Mommy were discussing what Jonathan would like to be when he grows up. He thoughtfully said, “I would like to be an artist because sometimes when I look out the window at night, the stars are so pretty, but when I wake up in the morning, they’re gone. If I were an artist I could paint them and then I could always see them.”

*  *  *  *

      One day Jonathan (6) said, “Daddy, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had for a dad.”

*  *  *  *

      Michael (8) and Mommy were rocking together as they talked about the family. Michael looked up at Mom and remarked, “You made a good decision when you decided to marry Daddy.”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I were hugging in the kitchen while the kids were finishing breakfast. Jonathan (6) commented to the kids, “Pretty soon the kissing starts.” Just then TerriLu and I did kiss.
       “See!” he said, quite pleased with his accurate prediction. As TerriLu and I then played along with more kissing, Jonathan added, “Isn’t that romantic?”

*  *  *  *

      One evening I was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room when William (2) came down the stairs. “William, do you have a big hug for Daddy?”
      When William charged into me and almost knocked me over with a big squeeze, I barely managed to hang onto William without falling over. “Hey,” commented William proudly, still holding onto me, “you caught me and I caught you.

*  *  *  *

      Mommy planted a Sweet William flower in the front yard and William (3) asked what it was. “It’s Sweet William,” Mommy replied.
       “I’m sweet William,” added William humbly and innocently.

*  *  *  *

      William (3) had fallen asleep on the floor while watching television one night. Jonathan (6) cuddled up with William and explained, “William’s really soft. That’s why I like snuggling with him. And he’s warm, too.”

*  *  *  *

      I called home one afternoon and talked to William (3) for a moment as Mommy came to the phone.
       “You know what?” I asked, knowing Mommy was coming to the phone.
       “What?” replied William.
       “Mommy loves you.”
       “Know what?” William asked.
       “What?” I asked.
       “You do, too.”

*  *  *  *

      Jonathan (7) recited the Pledge of Allegiance one day. William (3) listened carefully, and then congratulated, “Very good, Jon.”

*  *  *  *

      William (3) snuggled up with Mom and confided, “You’re a nice mom.” Then from his rather cozy position he added, “You’re comstoreful (comfortable).”

*  *  *  *

      One day I kissed William (3) affectionately on the cheek. William looked up and said, “You love me.”

*  *  *  *

      William (4) tenderly kissed Mommy’s nose which he had broken a year earlier and then asked, “Is that the place that I crashed into you with my hard head?”
      Later that day he stated matter-of-factly, “Everyone has a hard head.”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I and the boys went to the airport to pick up Melissa (12) who was coming home after spending a week with Grandpa and Grandma. After finding her at the gate, everyone headed down the terminal to the car. William (4) was unusually active and practically bouncing off the walls. “And why are you so perky?” asked Mommy with a smile.
       “Because Melissa’s home!” William exclaimed gleefully.

*  *  *  *

      While Melissa (12) and William (4) played one day in the family room, William accidentally spit and Melissa objected to his game tactics. I explained about spitting and how it was not allowed in the home. Then so William wouldn’t think they were too serious, Melissa and I kidded him. “Now, were gonna have to ‘pank you,” we said as we playfully tapped him on the bottom.
      William laughed and then I grabbed Melissa and said, “William, you better give Melissa a ‘panking.”
      As I held Melissa, poised for William’s whack, William hesitated, and then hugged Melissa tightly. “I will give her a hug,” he offered sweetly.

*  *  *  *

      I was babysitting William (4) one day. As I worked at the computer downstairs, William played upstairs in the toy room. Every so often William came to the top of the stairs and called, “Dad?”
       “Yes, William?” I called back.
       “I was just figuring out if you were home.”

*  *  *  *

      I was sharing the latest performance figures from work with Mom and explained that my recent sales in the district put me second from the top.
       “But Dad,” Jonny (5) bragged enthusiastically, “you are the top!”

*  *  *  *

      I had just gotten home one evening and squatted down to pet Twinkie the poodle who had eagerly greeted me at the door. Jonathan (9) came up behind me, put his arms around me, and said affectionately, “I missed you.”
       “I missed you too, my friend,” I replied. I went on to tell Jonathan what a special boy he is and how happy Mom and I were to be his parents. I continued by saying, “Jonathan, you are really a special boy,” and then paused a moment to take a breath.
       “Go on,” replied Jonathan humbly.

*  *  *  *

Sweet Children’s Chatter Part 1

      Mommy was pregnant and emotional one day and went in the bedroom to cry it out. “What doing, Mommy?” asked Melissa (21 months).
       “I came in here to cry,” she lamented.
      With great concern, Melissa patted Mommy and said blithely, “Sing you a song.” She proceeded to sing one sentence and then announced, “Have surprise for you.” With that she leaned over to give Mommy a kiss but instead licked her cheek. Quite surprised, Mommy laughed, so Melissa repeated the lick, and Mommy laughed some more.
       “Feel better?” Melissa asked.
       “Yeah,” smiled Mommy as she gave Melissa a squeeze, “I feel better.”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I were getting ready for a date, and were pressed for time. Melissa (2) was a bit fussy because she couldn’t get anyone’s devoted attention. To help keep Melissa happy, Mommy offered some popcorn, one of Melissa’s favorite treats.
       “No popcorn,” informed Melissa.
       “Would you like some ice cream?” proposed Mommy.
       “No,” responded Melissa.
       “Do you want some M&Ms?”
       “No,” Melissa sighed, “I just want Mommy.”

*  *  *  *

      One evening after a touching conversation between Mommy and Melissa (2), Melissa remarked, “Mommy, I’m glad that you were born into our family.”

*  *  *  *

      While talking about baby Michael and how special he is, Melissa (2) added sweetly, “We don’t want him to cry, because we love him.”

*  *  *  *

      One day while Mommy was raking leaves in the yard, Melissa (2) observed, “You’re a good mom.”
       “Why am I a good mom?” asked Mommy.
       “Because you’re raking the leaves,” explained Melissa

*  *  *  *

      After a frustrating experience, Mommy sat down in the hallway and cried. Sensing Mommy’s unhappiness, Melissa (2) tenderly hugged her and patted her and sweetly comforted, “Don’t worry. It will be okay. Daddy will be home soon.”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (2) found a heart-shaped cookie cutter in a drawer one day. She held it up and explained, “Mommy, this says, ‘I love you.’”

*  *  *  *

      One day Melissa (3) wanted to know why Mommy couldn’t lift the heavy box of books so Mommy explained that she didn’t have enough strength in her arms. “Here,” offered Melissa placing her own arm alongside Mom’s. “I’ll give you some of mine.”

*  *  *  *

      At Thanksgiving the family stopped to see Gary, Pat, Kari, and Staci Gill. Melissa (4) gave them all hugs and then stroked Patty on the back several times as they talked. On the way home Melissa explained, “I patted her because her name is ‘Pat.’”

*  *  *  *

      Nana had recorded several fun stories on tape for the grandchildren. Melissa (5) was telling Nana how the family had listened to the stories on the long drive to Nana and Grandpa’s house. “I liked the one about the old man,” Missy explained, “where he fixed the broken heart.”
       “That’s a really sweet story,” commented Nana.
       “Yeah,” Missy said. “It’s so touching.”
       “Yes, it’s very touching,” Nana agreed.
       “I don’t know what touching means,” Melissa confessed.
       “Well,” explained Nana, “it’s when something feels all warm and good in your heart.”
       “Like a squeeze?” Missy suggested.
       “That’s right.”
       “I understand.”

*  *  *  *

      When Michael (3) really liked something or heard about something new, he would often exclaim, “Oh, I wuv (love) that!”

*  *  *  *

      After hugging several adults goodbye, Michael (3) explained, “I give big hugs to big peopow (people).”

*  *  *  *

      Melissa (5) and Michael (3) had just gotten home from a friend’s birthday party where Michael had won the Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey contest twice. After they finished telling all the details about the party including the fact that Michael had given his extra prize to Melissa, Michael added, “I’m gwad (glad) that I won that donkey game two times so I could share a pwize (prize) with Mewissa.”

*  *  *  *

      TerriLu and I often stressed that we didn’t play favorites with the children – we love them all the same. One day Michael (4) explained to me, “I love you and Mommy the same size.”

*  *  *  *

      The Sunday School teacher told the class that she knew that Heavenly Father lives. Michael (4) raised his hand and said softly, “I love Heavenly Father and I love my mom and dad.”

*  *  *  *

      The kids always loved to go to Washington so they could play with their cousins. During one visit Michael (4) said to his cousin Christopher, “I love you like my own brother.”

*  *  *  *

      The kids and I visited Mom every day at the hospital following her surgery. On Monday, I went to bring Mom home while Melissa (8) and Michael (6) were in school and Jonathan (4) and William stayed again at Sharon’s home. After a while Jonny said to Sharon, “I want to go see Dad because I haven’t seen him in a year.”

*  *  *  *

       “Jonathan, how did you get to be such a great kid?” I asked one day.
       “Because I’m part of the flamly (family),” Jonathan (4) replied.

*  *  *  *

       “How come you’re so nice, Jonny?” I asked one day.
       “Because everyone is nice to me,” replied Jonathan (4).

*  *  *  *

      One day Mommy and Jonathan (4) were talking about happiness. Mommy asked, “Jonny, what makes you sad?”
       “When people are mean to me,” he replied.
       “What makes you happy?”
       “When I can do things for other people.”

*  *  *  *

      Michael (6) was talking with Mom one day. “We have a happy family,” he stated. “And you’re a great mom.”
       “But I’m not perfect,” Mom confessed.
       “But I think you’re perfect,” Michael said sweetly.

*  *  *  *

      The family had stopped one last time to say goodbye to their neighborhood friends before the drive and the move to Washington state. As Michael (6), Jonathan (4), and I pulled out in the U-Haul truck, I asked, “Do you like riding in this big truck?”
       “Yeah,” Jonathan sighed halfheartedly, “but I like our friends more.”

*  *  *  *

Bedtime Children’s Chatter Part 3

      William (4) was sick and extremely tired one evening when Mom announced it was time for bed.
       “Oh, yeah?” whined William, using a phrase he had recently picked up.
       “Yes, it is,” explained Mom seriously.
       “Oh, yeah!?” protested William with a little more vigor and volume.
       “Yes, William,” replied Mom, almost with a smile. “Don’t challenge me on this. You’re tired and need your sleep so you can get better.”
      William thought about that for a moment and then huffed, “Well, Dad’s bigger and he can challenge you on this.”

*  *  *  *

       “Where’s Daddy?” asked William (4) one evening.
       “He’s at a meeting,” replied Mommy.
       “But he needs to be home,” complained William who was missing his dad.
       “Well,” explained Mom, “he won’t be back for a little while.”
       “But it’s past his bedtime,” moaned William.

*  *  *  *

      One night Mommy got into bed and William (4) climbed in with her. When I came in to get ready for bed, he asked, “William, how come you’re still awake?”
       “Daddy!” huffed William, “I’m not!”
       “Well, then,” smiled Dad, “what are you doing?”
       “I’m asleep.” He thought for a second and muttered, “Half asleep.”

*  *  *  *

      William (4) woke up coughing in the middle of the night and I went in to get him a drink of water. As I tucked him back into bed and William tried to roll over, the covers sort of wrapped around William. “Hey, Dad!” squawked William. “You’re surrounding me.”

*  *  *  *

      One night William (4) climbed into our bed and cuddled under the covers.
       “William,” Mom said, “you’ll be cold if you just wear a night shirt and underwear. You need pajama bottoms on to stay warm.”
      William snuggled in and replied, “But your covers will keep me warm.”

*  *  *  *

      Michael (10) and William (4) were yakking as they prepared for bed one evening. When William mentioned his fear of the dark Michael counseled, “William, you can just pretend it’s not scary dark like at night. Just pretend it’s something else.”
       “Yeah,” blurted William. “Pretend it’s a black outage.”

*  *  *  *

      After going to bed one night William (5) started crying because he was scared so I went in to reassure him. When William felt better, I sent him into the bathroom for one last stop before bed. William came back out after looking at himself in the mirror and asked, “Dad, can you see the red spots on my face?”
      Daddy looked and replied, “Yes, I can William.”
       “That says how hard I cried.”

*  *  *  *